Juggling it all

how are women holding it all together? Asking for a friend.

I shared recently in a newsletter how I’ve been struggling to juggle all the things lately: motherhood, friendships, work, marriage, and my own needs. I can honestly say that I don’t remember a time when I’ve felt as pulled thin as I do now.

I don’t believe in balance. I know there’s no such thing. I know in my brain that there’s more on our plates for us today as women than ever before, it’s not my fault, and I’m not failing.

And yet, I can’t help but feel like I’m averaging a C- across the board on all things life right now. And it doesn’t feel great.

As I write this, I’m sitting poolside in Palm Springs during my kids’ spring break. It was a last-minute getaway that we literally planned a week ago (very on brand for us these days - nothing like last-minute planning). The original plan was for us to spend two nights as a family in the desert, so I could fill my motherhood cup, and then JP and I'd have a night alone (sending our kids to my sisters, who lives nearby), so we could fill our marriage cup.

Long story short, that’s not quite how things played out, and I’m sitting here next to one of my kiddos on what is supposed to be my “alone time” with JP, because they quote-unquote “needed me.”

And to be honest, I’m ok with it. I love my time with my kids and usually don’t cave. But when they looked into my eyes and said sincerely, “Mom, I really don’t want to leave you.” Of course, I quickly adapted plans, and to be honest, I have loved our time together.

I share this to point out that there isn’t enough to go around. For anyone. For my kids, for JP, my friends, my parents, for myself. I know it’s not true - but the “not enoughness” voice feels really loud right now, and I’m struggling.

I feel like I’m playing from behind in all of my relationships, and I don’t love living this way. As though I don’t have enough credits in the bank for a withdrawal. I’m riding too thin on the margins.

Does every woman feel this way? Like, at any moment, you’re going to disappoint someone, and you’re just juggling who it’s gonna be on any given day?