I'm just bad at meditating...
And the other lies we tell ourselves to avoid doing the one thing we need - learning to BE with ourselves
“I’m just bad at it. My mind won’t stop racing.”
Said every person. Ever.
Welcome to the club, kid.
I know we like to believe we’re all unique. That our suffering is unique. That life is somehow easier for “them.” That meditation is somehow easier for other people.
But I hate to break it to you - your story is not personal; it’s universal.
We’re ALL bad at meditation. ALL our minds wander. ALL of us want to avoid being with ourselves.
Because we’re all human, and our limited human minds love to keep us in the familiar comfort we know (even if the place we know is kind of crappy).
It’s so much easier to make up excuses about why we can’t do things instead of actually sitting and doing the damn thing. Whatever that is for you. Meditation, Eating well. Getting outside and going for a walk. Leaving a marriage. Changing jobs.
We all have our own unique excuses. That deep down, we know are just that. Excuses. Stories our minds make up to keep us stuck in the familiar, that we play on repeat over and over and over until we actually start believing they’re true.
Regarding meditation and learning to live more mindfully, I’ve heard every excuse. From…
I’m bad at it.
I don’t have time.
My kids are always around; I can’t find a quiet space.
I don’t understand what I’m supposed to be doing…
So let’s go ahead and clear some of those up
There’s no such thing as a “bad” meditation (or a bad meditator).
There is simply you, overcoming you. That’s it.
Your mind is going to wander. We can’t control that. It is literally built to think. So get over it and stop obsessing over your mind doing the thing it’s designed to do.
What we can control, however, is our reaction to every thought.
Instead of staying in it and going down the rabbit hole of our minds (which I know we all love to do), we recognize that we’re having a thought and, without judgment, let it go and return to our breath.
And we do this over and over and over. THAT is the practice.
Not the cessation of our thoughts. Be the returning from them.
I say this over and over to the women I work with: meditation is simply a practice of returning. Returning to the present moment. Returning to our breath. And returning to our practice day after day.
If your mind didn’t wander, you’d have no way to practice returning. So let go of the judgment of your wandering mind and just let it be what it is.
You are human. Allow yourself to be.
You DO have time
We all do. No matter how busy and full our lives are. We ALL have time.
I know reading this you may feel resistance about how I don’t understand, and work, and the kids, and my traveling husband. I get it. I do.
Our lives are busier than ever before, and there is more demand on us (especially as women) to do it all. The expectations are unfair and unrealistic. This is all true.
AND…we have the time.
If you have the time to read this. If you have the time to open an app on your phone (you know which ones I’m talking about). If you have time to turn on Netflix - then you have the time.
Learning to live with more awareness in your life (which is ultimately the goal of meditation) doesn’t require a specific time limit. Whether you meditate for one minute or one hour, I don’t care.
What matters is that we bring this awareness that we learn on our mats and we bring it into our daily lives.
Awareness can be cultivated in every moment.
When you’re sitting in the car with your kids. When you’re washing dishes. When you’re about to be triggered by a reaction at work, or in an argument with a partner.
It is not something separate or in addition to our daily lives. It IS our daily lives—woven in—in every moment, every thought, and every interaction.
We have been looking at it wrong.
It’s not another thing to add to your list. But rather a way of doing ALL things.
We have to let go of the excuse that we don’t have time. In reality, cultivating more awareness in our lives creates more time. It will show you where your priorities truly are, where energy is not needed, and where your time could be recaptured.
We have enough time in our daily lives for the things we value. We’ve just forgotten what that is.
The kids, the dog, and the crazy household are not the problem…
The outside world will never quiet down. It just is the bustle of the time we’re living. The “noise” will always be there: the news, the distractions, the never-ending emails, the kids, the bills, the dog barking. It will all always be there.
We need to stop wishing things would be something they’re not, and instead work with it. Accept it. Welcome it in.
I think the vision of Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree, all zen and enlightened, is a beautiful story about a man in a different time, in a different world.
But that is not us. Nor do our practices or our lives need to reflect that.
We keep waiting for the outside world to feel calm, to feel calm within. And we have it backward. We will be holding our breaths and waiting forever.
Instead of the traditional model of cause and effect. Waiting for an outside factor to make us feel something internally.
We cause an effect. Within ourselves.
By changing our internal energy and being in the present moment, we create an affect on our outside world. We become the stone causing the ripple effects.
In our homes, our workplaces, our communities, and our world.
You cause the effect. Not the other way around.
So, let the dog bark. Let the kids run around you. Let the emails come in.
And simply breathe. They will all still be there when you open your eyes. But YOU will be different.
If you’re looking for accountability and support with your meditation and mindfulness practice, you can…
Meditate LIVE with me every Tuesday morning (FREE for paid Substack subscribers).
Or simply drop-in at your convenience (register here). All mediations/calls are recorded if you can’t join us live, and are emailed out for your to watch/practice at your own convenience.
And for those of you looking to start your own home practice, here are a few of my tips to help get you going.
Wherever you find yourself on your journey to becoming more aware and living more mindfully, I’m proud of you (as cheesy as that sounds). It can be so easy to choose to live unaware (and so many people do). To push aside our feelings, emotions, and thoughts.
Choosing to live consciously is not for the faint of heart. And just making the decision to change, to become more aware, is half the battle. One that I too am still fighting. So please know we are in this together.
xoxo,
Katy